Archer you're Two

My sweet little boy is officially two. Why is it that I've been feeling sad about it all week?

He had a lovely day on Sunday. It was relaxed which was exactly what we wanted for him as birthdays always seem so rushed for us these days. It was nice to not have any plans that went further than a bout of soft play and a visit to the grandparents and it made for a slow and gentle day. (the amount of cars this kid got for his birthday though, jesus! our house has become like a garage and I'm currently desperately searching through the IKEA catologue to find some more storage units we could possibly squeeze in to the house!)

I took a few photos of the day, which I'll post below along with his 'birthday photoshoot' which was an epic fail compared to Lily's because the weather was freezing and neither one of us was feeling it. Oh well 😂

Arch is at a wonderful age. I've always maintained that 18-36 months was my favourite of all ages for Lily and I stand by it a second time for Arch too. 

He's brilliant. 

Energetic, cuddly, cheeky (veering on the side of naughty!) funny, talkative and so incredibly bright its felt as though he's been a two year old for about six months anyway. So why is it making me so freakin emotional now he has turned two? 

I think possibly because my experience this time round has been SO different to Lily's younger years. 

Without delving too much in to it I was so unhappy with so much going on in my life when Lily was little. I was at a crossroad in regards to everything from my living situation to my studies and totally unsure as to where I was heading in the future that I would find myself constantly wishing away her early years in the hopes that the older she got, the more routine she'd have and the more I'd be able to cope and therefore the more stable I'd feel. 

I think back then I was chasing a feeling that never came though tbh. In parenthood there's a never a time where you can honestly say you feel stable is there? It's just one of those things. You have constant anxiety about your children, you're constantly questioning your decisions, and theirs, and wondering if you could have done more in situations, been more, been better for them. And maybe if someone had told me back then that there is no everlasting feeling of stability when it comes to parenting, ever, then maybe I would have stopped chasing the milestones and stopped wishing for time to speed up. Because it really is one of my biggest regrets of Lily's younger years.

But anyhow how I was back then, and the regrets I have, I think has shaped the way I am with Archer today. I now find myself wanting to savour every single moment. I don't want to wish time away. I cried with sadness when he stopped breastfeeding, started crawling, walking, slept through the night, instead of joy, because each of these milestones was him taking a step away from baby hood.

In my mind I've already pictured us dropping him off at university several times. How mad is that!?

I guess I can just appreciate time spent with him being little that much more nowadays. I'm happy in my home, with my family and just generally content with where I'm at in my life and not having these things on my plate to worry about this time around has made me adore the stay at home mum experience so much more than I thought I could. 

Also not forgetting the fact that Archer is possibly, more than possibly, our last child. But I humanely can't bring myself to type about that because the thought that everything new Archer experiences at these ages could be the last time I experience it as a mother too is just way too much. Honestly I'm too g/d emotional to even go there right now 😂

Archer you really are the most beautiful little boy I have ever laid eyes on. You have eyelashes to die for (which I think your sister will be jealous of when she's old enough to care..!) the cutest button nose and the worlds most squish-able cheeks. Which I do in fact squish on a daily basis.  Your hair is lighter and straighter than your sisters wild locks but you have the exact same smile as her which I adore.

After having Lily I never imagined I'd have a son. Girls are strong on both mine and daddy's side of the family and I always joked that daddy was destined to be surrounded by girls. But you came along in a whirlwind and you are the most lovable, cuddly, caring boy we could ever have dreamed of having. 

I've said it so many times but you completed our family in a way I didn't know we needed until you arrived. 

Happy second birthday Archer Leo. 

We love you. 

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