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Do you ever truly feel 'done'? - Blogmas Day 5

Monday 5 December 2016


I'm not going to lie after having Archer I thought I'd feel more 'done' with having kids than I do. I only ever really envisioned having 2 children, that was always the life plan and I find it kind of un-nerving that since having Archer it doesn't seem like such a solid plan anymore. 

And it's got me thinking - when do you ever really know if you are done having kids? I mean is there a defining moment of yep I'm finished, no more raising of small humans for me thanks. Or is it a case of being sensible and weighing up the logistics - pros and cons, finances and what not to help you to come to that decision. Will we just forever feel broody because we're women and we're all just programmed to feel that way? Does feeling broody necessarily mean its right for your family to have another? How do you know? It all just makes my head spin a little really.

I mean if I'm going down the logistical route there's no way we should be having another one. I suffer horrendously post-natally and have pregnancy complications that are guaranteed in any future pregnancies too. Finances are thin on the ground, the house is way too small and I dont even drive. Dragging two children back and forth on the bus is just about finishing me off never mind adding a third to the mix. 

My mum has three kids, myself and my two younger brothers and it was very hectic growing up. So much so that I was always adamant in my own mind that yes I wanted a sibling for Lily, but never more than one. I crave a quiet life deep down, believe it or not!
But then I dont know what it is, it's just something I can't shake off. The fact that I don't feel done when I truly thought I would. Even when Archer was a tiny baby he never felt like the youngest. Which sounds ridiculous I know because he IS the youngest. Its just always felt like he was meant to be a middle child. A tiny voice in the back of my head that can envision a third when both the kids are in school full time.  

Then there's also a part of me that feels incredibly guilty for even going back and forth over the possibility of a future third. How lucky I am to even have that choice to make. I already have two beautiful and healthy children and there are so many people who are struggling with infertility, some of whom are close to home who I care about very much and I know that they would give their right leg to be able to have even one child never mind a third.

Maybe, and possibly more likely, it's the reality of never bearing another child that is giving me these feelings. Maybe I can't tell myself we're completely done because the thought of it is just too sad? I had horrific pregnancies but I still enjoyed them. I loved having a bump and knowing I was growing my child and yeah it is incredibly sad to think I might never experience that again. So perhaps I'll just keep telling myself that in a few more years we might have another one..then in a few years I'll tell myself the same thing again..and over and over again until the menopause hits and I have the decision made for me. Haha. 

I guess the answer is that there is no answer. There is no way of knowing whether it's going to be the 'right' thing to do. You just make it work. You can either take a leap of faith and expand your family or stay as you are and feel incredibly lucky for what, or rather who, you have in your life. Either way I'm blessed that time is hopefully on my side and I have the opportunity to just wait and see what the future holds. 
 Maybe we will and maybe we wont but one thing's for sure - there's no use stressing over it in the here and now.

Still, it doesn't hurt to ponder.

And hey, if we dont end up having any more maybe I'll give in to James' whining and let him get us a dog.



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4 comments :

  1. Oh yes, we were done at 2, then 3, then 4, then 5! I do feel done now but my hubby I'm sure wouldn't mind more! It's amazing having a big family though. I think some people just know when they are done, but if there's doubt... :-) #MaternityMondays

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  2. I don't think I'll ever be done but I've just got to accept that, after this one I will be. I'm 37 so I don't really want to put my body through this again. But the pull of more babies ;( no I will be done. My husband tells me every day that this is the last one. I truly believe some people are never done but you just have to do it or not as the case may be
    #maternitymondays

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  3. I could have written this post myself. My second baby is just 7weeks old..I thought I would be done after 2 but already I am pondering what it would be like to have a third. I'm 25 so there's still plenty of time but like you said there's lots of things to consider! I think you're right and we are all just programmed to be broody forever!xx #maternitymondays

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  4. I can relate to this so much! I just don't feel our family so complete, and I just cannot even imagine not experiencing pregnancy and birth and the newborn stage again xx

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